I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
