that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
