its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
