i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
