We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
