so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
