i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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