You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
