No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
