Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Four minutes until I can fart!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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