So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
