she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
