chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
