i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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