ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
