I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
