no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
