I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
