Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
