I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
