So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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