Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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