we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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