Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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