dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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