my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can I color on your dick again?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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