i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
