Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize