Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
