Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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