There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize