we have officially lost it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
