she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
