so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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