an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
