Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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