this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
