i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
