I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Less talking, more tequila
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
