Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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