thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
