What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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