even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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