Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
