i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
