i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize