and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
