i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
