I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
