a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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