A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
