Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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