So drunk its hurt
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
