She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
