I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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