I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
