you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
