Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i out mim tonsoeep
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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