Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
this is an emotional support booty call
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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