I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
