dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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