Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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