I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
