I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
