Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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