there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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