Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
