the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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