If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
false alarm. still invincible.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize